Back to the Beginning

I really need to keep up with this. Because I find when I write in this I feel a lot better. So, Dan and I broke up. He showed me just how much he doesn't trust any one and I just won't do it, I refuse to let someone tell me I'm crazy and that their mistakes are my fault. Just absurd to put your issues in someone else's hands. The basic thing is we set guidelines/rules for what we felt was acceptable in our relationship and the first time our trust in each other was put to the test, he blew it, BIG time. I was upset but I just wanted time to calm down and then he ignored me and well I'm a woman I'm going to admit I freaked and what not but I felt better. But then he kept yanking me around with what he wanted and what not and finally we just broke it off. :-\ But honestly, whatever... I personally think its his loss. But eh it wasn't meant to work so it really isn't so much of a loss as a learning experience haha.

So this happened a little into January, so not a long relationship at all if you even want to call it that hahaha. Since then I've been dealing with guys acting all interested and leading me on. I don't understand what they gain by telling me I'm "awesome" or "fun to hang out with" and that they'd like to hang out again and then all of a sudden.. I don't hear anything... I really don't get it. I mean seriously boys, grow a pair and just tell me you are not interested. It really isn't THAT bad. I do it all the time, and if they freak out then I really know it wasn't going to work out hahaha. My goal is to find someone where our feelings are mutual. I'm not gonna freak if your feelings don't match mine. Will I be sad? Yeah sure if I really liked them or felt like we had a connection... but I'll live! But I mean how do you think I'll feel when you build me up and then start ignoring me... ummm much worse! This is why once I know what my feelings are I bring them up, but I also don't lead any one on. Sure we can hang out and what not but I don't start saying "hey i really like you" yadda yadda until I know what I'm feeling.

This whole dating business sucks ultimately hahaha. But it is what it is. Eventually it will happen when it does.

So in other news, I decided to take a year off from school to kind of detox a bit from the whole ridiculous schedule haha. Which speaking of... March? Its gone! I have no life in March haha, its all experiments and Missy Elliot dance class! Meep! Also I want the year to make sure I will actually graduate and finish my thesis without having other shit to worry about. So far so good! I can only hope right?

Well off to continue writing my thesis and what not! Until next time (I hope) haha.