Back to the Beginning

I really need to keep up with this. Because I find when I write in this I feel a lot better. So, Dan and I broke up. He showed me just how much he doesn't trust any one and I just won't do it, I refuse to let someone tell me I'm crazy and that their mistakes are my fault. Just absurd to put your issues in someone else's hands. The basic thing is we set guidelines/rules for what we felt was acceptable in our relationship and the first time our trust in each other was put to the test, he blew it, BIG time. I was upset but I just wanted time to calm down and then he ignored me and well I'm a woman I'm going to admit I freaked and what not but I felt better. But then he kept yanking me around with what he wanted and what not and finally we just broke it off. :-\ But honestly, whatever... I personally think its his loss. But eh it wasn't meant to work so it really isn't so much of a loss as a learning experience haha.

So this happened a little into January, so not a long relationship at all if you even want to call it that hahaha. Since then I've been dealing with guys acting all interested and leading me on. I don't understand what they gain by telling me I'm "awesome" or "fun to hang out with" and that they'd like to hang out again and then all of a sudden.. I don't hear anything... I really don't get it. I mean seriously boys, grow a pair and just tell me you are not interested. It really isn't THAT bad. I do it all the time, and if they freak out then I really know it wasn't going to work out hahaha. My goal is to find someone where our feelings are mutual. I'm not gonna freak if your feelings don't match mine. Will I be sad? Yeah sure if I really liked them or felt like we had a connection... but I'll live! But I mean how do you think I'll feel when you build me up and then start ignoring me... ummm much worse! This is why once I know what my feelings are I bring them up, but I also don't lead any one on. Sure we can hang out and what not but I don't start saying "hey i really like you" yadda yadda until I know what I'm feeling.

This whole dating business sucks ultimately hahaha. But it is what it is. Eventually it will happen when it does.

So in other news, I decided to take a year off from school to kind of detox a bit from the whole ridiculous schedule haha. Which speaking of... March? Its gone! I have no life in March haha, its all experiments and Missy Elliot dance class! Meep! Also I want the year to make sure I will actually graduate and finish my thesis without having other shit to worry about. So far so good! I can only hope right?

Well off to continue writing my thesis and what not! Until next time (I hope) haha.

BIG news :)

Officially NOT single as of New Years! :D Remember that one really good guy friend I had a long time ago who helped me through a really rough day? Yeah well we kinda reconnected, decided I should visit him in Pittsburgh and we pretty much both broke down and admitted we loved each other and that it was stupid to let something as simple and ridiculous as distance to ruin or stop us from pursuing each other especially since we both really enjoy each other's company and have such strong feelings towards each other :).

He told me that he wanted me though after my Beyonce performance and we admitted that we both wanted to pursue it. He literally told me everything i ever wanted to hear come from him. It was very adorable and I was so happy then we had a little spat during our time together but we got over it quick and confessed our true deep down feelings! :D

Well I got lab! Will talk soon!

Holy cow!

Hahahahaha so about how I'm bad with keeping up on things... :P

Lets see if I can get a basic rundown of everything that has happened:

- The new friend... her name is Doodle and she has been living with me for a few months now and is a big girl kittie now.
- All but Smokey the rat has passed over the rainbow bridge.
- Three new baby ratties (Larry, Curly, and Mo)
- Inky is still good
- Still single (9 months and proud of all that i have accomplished)
- Trials for experiments are done
- Beginnging to write my journal article and thesis
- Beyonce Performance is THIS weekend!
- Lost some bad weight and gained muscle weight :)

Hmmm I think thats about it.

Shockingly *sarcasm* still single. As much as I love having a stable cuddle buddy... i'm not too disappointed. I've met people offline recently and its still not much better. Its so funny how weird this area is dating wise. Just can't find that many good men and the ones you do find are taken, not interested, or they are REALLY good at lying.

I've been thinking about looking for PhD programs in entomology too! Going back to my roots I think is what i really need to do, I miss the bug work... that and its so much easier/more jobs will be available probably in that field haha. Now I just gotta figure out what branch to go into with Entomology hahaha. I know not pest control... too crazy and silly. I'm thinking maybe taxonomy or insect nutrition but I guess we'll see :).

Possible new friend!

I can't decide what I might name her but I think she is going to come home to me next week :D Yayyyyy We shall see!

Gaga is Over :(

Wow I can't believe these 10 weeks have flown by! After that crazy hurricane Irene plowed through and cancelled our first performance we were tasked with only performing once and making it count. All I gotta say is I think we nailed it! I am going to miss all my fellow monsters and dancing every Sunday with them and our instructor who is so awesome. But he told us he is going to try to put together a Britney class for the spring! :D YAYYYYYYY I cannot wait for that! But for now I'm going to be in the Beyonce class for the fall semester!

In other news my experiment was not postponed... we ended up throwing it together really quickly over the course of Thursday and we somehow managed to make this work! I can not believe that all this worked out for the best! We have birds, I am making final cuts today and then next monday we are ending Trial one then its time to get trial two underway. So here is to hoping it goes well.

Well until the Beyonce starts up I'm going to have to take a dance class with my instructor to keep me busy and I might start joining this one class every week as well since its only a few bucks for students! :P Plus I can't not dance with my instructor... he is too awesome to pass up and I need him in my life to make my life more fun and enjoyable... especially after this mess with school.

School starts Wednesday! AAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! I'm not ready to add school back to my schedule yet :( hahaha.

My monsters!

Hahahahaha Me and the gals and our instructor lmao

A Pointless and Stupid Rant

Hello everybody! Well here I am, close to having started my experiment... however the analyses came back and my diets I made look like shit and we have no idea what the issue is but it appears that i made an error and I can assure you I did no such thing on this big of a project. Well any who it is looking like my experiment will be held back. Then I am running this procedure today and I get poked and prodded at for like absolutely nothing! I think the way this lab works abslutely stinks and it is so wrong to work it this way! Everything is rushed and everything is pressure and blah blah blah. I think that makes it way way worse than it is! I mean I tend to make more mistakes the more worried I am about making a mistake whereas if i had a chillax lab I think I'd have a pretty decent outcome!

Well in other news I have all but given up on men for the most part. My new guy friend is really the only person I have met online that is a great guy and we both have some feelings towards each other. Everyone else either 1) I'm not interested in 2) they aren't interested in me or 3) they only want sex. :-\ Ugh I just wish that I could find one decent guy who both of us had mutual feelings for each other and call it a day. But I've been wondering if I'm even cut out for dating any more. This feeling of hopelessness has got to the point where I don't even know if I even believe in love any more. Like at all. It has been THAT bad. I can't remember that feeling of happiness or butterflies any more and I'm wondering if it was all in my head or if I just have got to the point where its just not going to happen any more.

Sorry to be a debbie downer... its just been a rough week and a rough single life it feels like.

But in happy news... Lady Gaga performance is this weekend! And then I move up to Beyonce class!!! :D

I hate bad days

Bad days really really SUCK. What sucks worse when you have no one at home to talk to and you just get into that hopeless rut. I felt like I was in that all freaking day long. I ended up coming home and pretty much crying my freaking eyes out and that hasn't happened to me a lot as of recent. I rarely have my crying fits any more which is great but sometimes they just NEED to happen. I think its great that I can handle myself well but this time I just needed someone to come and hang out and let me just get it out. Luckily I made a new friend recently who has been super fun to hang out with, he keeps me company, we can talk just about anything, and he just let me talk and vent and eventually i burst into tears which I feel bad about cause I usually don't let people in on my emotions like that unless i'm close to them but he dealt with it so I'm impressed hahaha he didn't run and leave me there crying and instead we got pizza and drinks and talked about anything and everything hahaha. It was just what the doctor ordered! :) Granted I have severely fallen behind on unpacking but you know... whateves hahaha. I'll finish it soon enough i suppose. Maybe I'll finish it this week. I can only hope so.

So I went to the reptile show this weekend... and I got the cutest baby poison dart froggies EVERRRRR. They are super adorable and I love em. My gecko died as well p.s. and I got some guppies as well but thats really the only change to my line up i have made haha. I almost add a baby hairless rat to the mix as well but i some how declined taking the little non-fuzz ball home hahaha. Maybe next time. Unfortunately Bandit isn't doing so well... I have a feeling he is going to kick the bucket soon or I'm going to have to do it for him at the vets office :(. Oh well as long as he is happy I am ok. If he stops eating I'll know what to do unfortunately.

Ok well its late... i have a potentially long day tomorrow. Hopefully a nice date as well and we shall see what happens!