Number 18-20 and rant

18. I have loved and lost... and I'm not afraid to do it again!
I'm not going to beat around the bush and say oh em gee your the first person I have ever loved blah blah blah blah. No, I have been in love once maybe twice in my life time. Both have hurt me deeply whether it was them being unsure of their feelings for me or them becoming a little more than obssessed with us being together and taking it to new levels of crazy. But you know is that going to prevent me from wanting to love another? No it makes me want it again and more permanent this time. I love that feeling of love. Am I afraid of loving someone and losing them? For sure! But is that going to stop me? Hell no!

19.  Music is a HUGE part of my life.
Damn straight it is. I have been playing instruments since elementary school from piano to oboe and flute/piccolo in between. I also love dancing to any kind of music in any way shape or form. Music is always always there to make me feel better. When I'm angry I listen to angry music and get it out, when I'm sad I put on some tunes that make me get it out. But then I always follow up with music to make me feel better in any situation. Some great examples was during this last break up, the song "Broken Pieces" by Apocalyptica made me realize I was doing the right thing by leaving him. I swear that song was written for me as well as "End of Me".  Also when I'm feeling down on myself I listen to "Sing" by My Chemical Romance and that makes me realize that I gotta keep trucking and I can do it. Going back to dancing though... I gotta sign up for that Lady Gaga class.. I'm just so nervous that either I will have too much going on to really do it or it will be a waste of money I can't decide... >.< I know I should just do it!

20. I am capable of almost anything I set my mind to.
The only reason why I don't say always anything is because I did fail on my last project for my master's degree. But I have gotten into two schools that normally wouldn't take another look at me but because I worked my ass off and sold myself to them they took me on. And I am very proud of that accomplishment for getting into UD even though I wasn't the best student in high school (granted i had a 3.7 but at my school that is not fantastic) and I got into UMD even though it took me 3 times to get the right scores on the GRE. I can do it. I also did my literature review, I did projects as an undergrad, I even got paid to go to graduate school. If i want to do it... chances are I will suceed as long as I focus!

So we have confirmation... D is ok (granted he didn't tell me but I see he has been active on POF :-\). So I am super relieved that he is ok cause I was worried. But now... I'm really hurt by all this... I started to trust him and I guess he just lied to me... that or he is a bigger commitment-o-phobe than I have ever met. But you know what... whatever... I will eventually find someone who is ready to take that next step... even if it means joining Eharmony. I think if i ever join it will be eharmony. Cause that site is meant for serious relationships and honestly thats what I'm ready for. :)

Well my advisor is still out sick. :( I am so sad about it and while I'm praying she pulls through soon and such... this is taking a major toll on my research and degree... I'm wondering if this is the universe's way of saying YO YOU REALLY NEED TO SWITCH. :-\ ugh I can't deal with all this crap. If only my master's degree hasn't been so complicated as it has been. Some time I will eventually get this stupid degree and I will eventually get to see a career counselor and eventually figure out what exactly I am meant to do in my life and who I am meant to be with... I'm just impatient and I want to know now though :P

Had a great weekend at the Cabin with Daddy and Kelsey. :) Lots of love and fun and well hootin and hollerin! I want to go back to the cabin already. :(

Ok readers... until next time :)