Number 22

22. I am strong.

I know I'm strong because I have had to do several things that felt like they would shatter my world but they all in all were the best decisions that I ever made. I am also strong because I have perservered through several less-than-desirable situations. I have been through sexual assault, suffered the aftermath of said assault, several mentally abusive boyfriends, and probably what seems like one of the toughest master's programs out there with the advisor from hell and yet here I am... (almost) unphased, still optimistic about life and still living a normal (as it can get) life. I have never forgotten what people have done to me, I have never forgotten the fear, anger, hurt, and miserable-ness of my past. But the most important thing is that I kept going and I don't EVER let it bring me down. I never let anything stop me. In high school I did want to end it all because I felt like I wasn't worth it, I felt like I was a no one, no one cared about me and I'd never be good at anything and that I will always be second best to everyone. Well I pulled out of that rut clearly. I have never thought about ending it since. Because I know I am worth it, and I know I will be worth it to someone someday. I know that I do have a purpose in this world. I'm not sure what I will accomplish but someday I will know. I know I am meant to do some great things, whether its teaching high school children sciences, teaching college undergrads, or doing important research... I dunno. But I just know that when I find it... I will know exactly what I am supposed to do.

Day 5 with advisor still not here. She is supposed to come in but honestly I have yet to see her and she didn't email me with a possible meeting time. If lunch time rolls around and I don't see her I guess I will head home. This is so frustrating I have no idea what I can be doing while waiting for her to get back I wish there was stuff I COULD be doing but she hasn't given me anything to work on. :-\

I did the first day of 30 Day Shred yesterday... and OUCH! I about puked right in the middle of it so I know I'm doing it right at least. My abs are KILLING me at the moment, it hurts to laugh and sneeze but its fine I know eventually I will lose the weight that I want.
Now: 175 lbs
Goal: 150 lbs

Well birthday is tomorrow! Going to have to figure out if I'm going to do anything tomorrow night or if I'm just going to wait for Friday festivities :P Hahaha.